


I wish i were Akaashi

by Bokuroo_trash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bokuroo is endgame, Crying, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Kuroo Tetsurou, Jealous Kuroo Tetsurou, M/M, MY BABIES, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Songfic, Unrequited Love, bokuroo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:34:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25721413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bokuroo_trash/pseuds/Bokuroo_trash
Summary: Kuroo is in love with his best friend, Bokuto, who may or may not be in love with Akaashi.Heavily inspired by the song Heather by Conan Gray :))))
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 161





	I wish i were Akaashi

**Author's Note:**

> i strongly suggest listening to Heather by conan gray before or after you read the fic!! its a really good song and i immediately thought of bokuroo when i heard it:) anyways you dont have to listen to it, the fic can be read without it as well.

Training camp was just beginning. Kuroo was a third year, and this was supposed to be the greatest training camp yet. Except it wasn’t. It couldn't be. Not when Bokuto was around.

To everyone else, that would come as a surprise, because kuroo and Bokuto were best friends. They were inseparable, had the picture perfect friendship and everyone at training camp constantly brought up just how good of friends they were.

But for Kuroo, that's exactly why this training camp was so damn miserable. It was because they were such good friends. That was all they would ever be, and it felt like hearing it over and over again was like a punch to the gut, repeatedly getting harder and harder and never letting up.

They had just finished their extra practice for the night, and Kuroo walked closely behind Akaashi and Bokuto as they made their way down to the dining hall. He swallowed thickly as he watched the two talk to each other. Bokutos eyes lit up so wildly when he listened to the gorgeous boy next to him speak.

He analyzed Akaashi. The boy truly was everything Kuroo was not. His hair was wispy and looked like silk. He had soft facial features and smooth eyes that pinched tightly at the sides, like a fairy. Akaashi was short, but not annoyingly short, and his body was small and dainty. In conclusion, Akaashi was perfect, and beautiful and everything Kuroo was not.

“Gosh it’s cold,” Akaashi spoke, wrapping skinny, feminine fingers around his toned arms as he walked.

Bokuto was quick to pull at the sleeves of his warm up jacket, and hand it to Akaashi, “Hear you can borrow this till we get to the dining hall.”

Kuroo had watched wearily as Akaashi took the hoodie and wrapped it around his frame. It triggered memories that Kuroo wasn't ready to remember.

He still remembered. It was the third of December. Bokuto had invited Kuroo to walk around the city and look at all of the Christmas decor. Of course kuroo had been dumb enough to wear short sleeves. The raven was smart in school, but common sense often got thrown out the window when he was around Bokuto.

His teeth chattered as the wind blew hard against his back. It blew his hair into all sorts of messy angles. Bokuto was cracking up as he looked at Kuroo. 

“You know, I knew we were both stupid, but I didnt know you were this stupid,” Bokuto laughed whole heartedly. 

Kuroo couldn’t help but smile as he watched the other man laugh at him. Bokuto had to be the greatest looking person alive. There was no doubt about it. He was like a star, shining brightly during this cold, winter night. His skin was pale, and slightly red on the tip of his nose and his cheeks. Kuroo watched Bokuto’s breath puff out like smoke in the dry, cold air. His lips were chapped, and for some reason, that made kuroo blush hard. Maybe it was because he didn't mind how chapped they were. It didn't deter his mind from wondering how his chapped lips would feel against Kuroo’s icy cold ones. 

Bokuto must’ve mistaken the blush for frost bite or something, because soon he was pulling off his jacket and wrapping it tightly around Kuroo’s shoulders. 

“Wear this! It won't be fun if you die from hypothermia,” He’d said. It fit kuroo funny, because Kuroo wasn’t a small man. He was tall and lean, but not as muscular as Bokuto. The jacket was definitely a little saggy on Kuroo, but it fit normally otherwise. He quickly shoved his hands in his pockets, grasping for any warmth that Bokuto had left in the jacket. 

It smelt like Bokuto. Like clean leather, and the old spice deodorant he had worn since the two of them had met. Kuroo muttered a thanks, trying to act calmly as he continued walking side by side with Bokuto. 

They walked through the streets, looking at the different lights, and sometimes making fun of the couples who were doing the same thing as them. Kuroo wasn't really sure why they were doing it, but it was fun either way. 

At the end of the night, Bokuto walked Kuroo down to the train station, ranting about the lack of multicolored lights he saw tonight.

“I just feel like the multicolored lights are prettier than the all white ones,” Bokuto complained. He still walked beside kuroo, and every so often Kuroo would accidentally bump into Bokuto’s broad shoulder, because they were so close.

“But the solid white ones make everything look perfect, don’t you think?” Kuroo asked, hands still deep in the pockets of Bokuto’s sweater. 

They walked slowly, neither wanting to leave each other. Kuroo cursed Bokuto’s parents for making him live so far away. When they walked up the stairs and waited for the train to arrive, Bokuto flashed a smile that was so bright, it felt like it was warming up kuroo’s entire body. Though that could’ve just been a blush.

“Who cares about how perfect something is? Isn’t it more important to be exciting and different?” 

Kuroo didn’t know what to say. He shrugged his shoulders, watching as the train started to pull into the station. He pinched the fabric inside the pocket of his sweater. Oh shit, this isn't his.

“Oh god, I still have your jacket on,” Kuroo said quickly, trying to shrug it off as fast as he could. 

Bokuto stopped him, still smiling, but this time it looked different. It was soft and gave off a feeling that was foreign to their friendship. Kuroo couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Keep it, it looked better on you,” He said kindly. His eyes met Kuroo’s and for a moment, Kuroo felt like maybe, just maybe, his feelings were reciprocated. 

The speakers announced that the train would be departing soon, and Kuroo quickly shook his head, trying to wipe away his unnecessary feelings for his best friend. 

When he got on the train, he waved goodbye to bokuto, and couldn’t help but long for him.

If only he knew how much Kuroo loved him.

“Kuroo?” 

He was pulled out of this memory by Bokuto’s voice. He snapped his head up at the other two. They had made it to the dining hall, and Akaashi was still in Bokuto’s jacket.

“Sorry I was spacing out,” Kuroo answered, walking past the other two. He worried that his face would show too much emotion if he continued to stare at Akaashi.

I wish I was Akaashi

Kuroo had fully accepted that he was in love with his best friend in his first year. The second he saw Bokuto he knew he had a crush on him, because who wouldn’t? He was perfect. If you were to look up the definition of the word handsome, Bokuto would be the top result. Even so, Kuroo wouldn’t act on these emotions, because he knew he was way out of his league. Kuroo had so many imperfections that it almost felt like a joke to compare the two of them.

It was the second day of training camp and the coaches had told every team to grab a partner to practice spikes and receives. Kuroo's immediate thought was to practice with Bokuto, because that was usually what they did, The two were inseparable, remember? 

Except maybe now they weren’t.

Kuroo’s eyes widened as he saw Bokuto grab Akaashi’s hand and drag him to an empty side of the court. When Bokuto lifted his eyes to meet Kuroo’s he just smiled apologetically.

“Sorry bro! I wanna help Kaashi so when I leave he will be a good captain,” He teased Akaashi, and wrapped a playful arm around the smaller man’s shoulders, but Akaashi just stared at him blankly. 

Kuroo mentally cringed. Akaashi got a cute nickname, and Bokuto wrapped his arm around him. Kuroo suddenly felt colder as he watched Bokuto hold onto the other man, who was taking it for granted.

He wanted to hate Akaashi, he really did. He wanted to be upset with Akaashi for getting all of Bokuto’s attention. He wanted to hate him for being pretty. He wanted to hate him because Akaashi was everything Kuroo could only dream of being. 

But how could he hate him? Akaashi was an angel. He was kind, supportive and never made snarky remarks like Kuroo did.

But even so, it almost made Kuroo wish he was dead. Which is horrible of him and he hated that he felt that way.

He had ended up practicing with Kenma, which he really didn’t mind because he and Kenma were childhood friends. After he missed his fourth receive, Kenma decided to ask what was bothering him.

“Kuroo, is something wrong?” he asked in his usual monotone voice. 

Kuroo shook his head, picking up the ball and trying his best not to look in the direction of Bokuto and Akaashi. Kenma could tell. He wasn’t stupid and Kuroo was incredibly easy to read.

“Is it Bokuto?” 

Kuroo sighed before shrugging his shoulders. He really didn't want to talk about it. It was already embarrassing enough that he had an unrequited crush on his best friend, and it only made it worse that he was jealous of Akaashi, who was obviously prettier than him. Kuroo just felt so awful. He felt like he would never be good enough for Bokuto, and even though he had accepted the fact that this love would go unrequited, he wasn’t ready to see Bokuto loving someone else.

“It's whatever,” Kuroo decided to say before tossing the ball up and spiking it. Kenma didn't go for the receive, which didn't surprise Kuroo one bit. If it was too difficult to get, Kenma would not get it.

“You should tell him how you feel. He might feel the same,” He spoke softly. Only Kuroo would notice that shift in tone. For everyone else it probably still sounded monotone and uninterested.

“He wont. I'm nowhere near as pretty looking as Akaashi,” Kuroo ran a hand through the unruly locks of hair that sat atop his head. He wondered if Bokuto would think differently of Kuroo if his hair was more like Akaashi’s.

“Who says Bokuto wants a pretty person?” Kenma half joked, but Kuroo knew what he meant.

But it wasn’t true. If Bokuto looked that perfect, he should be with someone just as perfect, and that was so obviously Akaashi.

When he looked over at the two, Bokuto was talking loudly at Akaashi, eyes bright, and smile big enough to make Kuroo smile from across the court, even if it wasn’t directed towards him.

Because Bokuto would probably never look at Kuroo the way he looked at Akaashi.

I wish i was Akaashi.

At this point Kuroo was just moping. He had to be the most pitiful excuse of a man. They had been through several practice matches today, and Kuroo was doing horrible. At one point, he couldn't even play for a whole set because his blocks were sloppy, his serves were barely over the net and his receives were hit or miss.

And it was all Bokuto's fault.

He was all over Akaashi today, asking for continuous validation from him and the rest of his team. It made Kuroo’s stomach ache and it was almost too much for him. It made him not even want to play.

Nekoma had done pretty well today, even though their captain was obviously struggling with something internally. Each team member could tell that something was just off. When Nekoma was playing against Fukurodani, Kuroo barely responded to Bokuto. There were no provoking comments that would result in their usual playful bickering, and when Bokuto would say something to Kuroo, the raven would just brush it off.

Bokuto was starting to grow concerned for his friend. Maybe he had a stomach ache? Or a sprain? Either way something was wrong and it didn't settle in Bokuto’s stomach easily. He wanted to play against Kuroo for their last training camp, and he wanted to savor these last few days of training camp they had together, but it seemed like Kuroo was avoiding him. This in turn affected how he was playing as well, because if Kuroo was hurting, so was Bokuto. That's just how they were. That's how their relationship had always worked.

They had always been close and told each other everything. Or at least that is what Bokuto had thought. But now it felt like something had changed. Like something in Kuroo had shifted, and it bothered bokuto because he didn't even notice until now. 

Bokuto didn't want anything to change, he liked how it was now. He enjoyed the way the two of them were because in some ways it felt like they were in love, and that was something Bokuto had always wanted. He wanted to take care of Kuroo, and make him laugh. That was one of the reasons they were best friends. Bokuto didn't mind not sharing his feelings, because as long as Kuroo was happy, he would be too.

He was quickly pulled out of his thoughts by Akaashi.

“Bokuto!” He shouted before setting the ball to him. 

Bokuto turned to look at his surroundings. He was being blocked by three blockers, and in the middle was kuroo. Their eyes met, Gold orbs clashing with dark brown. It felt like time stopped and Bokuto held his breath as he looked at Kuroo. He looked weary, and for once, Bokuto had no idea what the raven was thinking.

Kuroo felt Bokuto jump upwards, and he knew he should be jumping too, but he just stood there frozen. He felt like he was dying, his heart felt so broken. The raven knew that if he looked at Bokuto for even a second longer he would cry and he really didn't want to do that in front of either teams. It was pathetic. He knew he was acting childish and he hated it, but god did it hurt to see Bokuto with Akaashi, even during volleyball.

Nekoma was quick to sub in another player and as soon as the whistle sounded, Kuroo knew he would get lectured by coach Nekomata. He turned quickly on his heels, deciding that he needed to get away from everyone fast to avoid further embarrassment. As he turned though, he felt a familiar hand reach out and grab his wrist tightly. When he turned to look for its owner, he was faced to look at Bokuto, who was holding his wrist from under the net. Kuroo felt his team staring at him and that only made him feel even more uncomfortable. 

Bokuto looked like he was trying to say something, like maybe he was worried, but kuroo quickly pulled his arm away and walked off the court. He sat on the bench quickly, avoiding literally everyone's gaze. Instead, he pushed his face deep into his hands and rubbed it aggressively. 

The game continued, and bokuto grew more unfocused as their team was brought closer to victory.

He watched as Nekomata crouched down to speak to Kuroo and once Kuroo shook his head, the coach put a towel over his head. Kuroo was grateful for that, and he used the towel to wipe away the sweat that dripped down his face.

Kuroo felt like an idiot being hurt by these types of things, and if it was someone else acting this way on Kuroo’s team, he’d probably call them weak. But he couldn’t make the feeling go away. He wasn’t trying to rid the feeling of being heart broken, or even the feeling of jealousy towards Akaashi. The feelings that wouldn’t leave him, were the ones that told him he wasn't good enough. The feeling that he could never, ever compare to anyone that Bokuto would like or find attractive. He felt so imperfect, so ugly, so unloveable. The type of feelings he didn’t want to have during a practice match.

Soon the whistle sounded and the game was over. Kuroo didn't even look to see who had won, choosing instead to press the towel into his face once again. The team had circled up, but kuroo stayed sitting on the bench, not having the courage to face his kouhai after how stupid he’d been acting during the game. When they broke away, both teams started to take apart the nets and wipe down the floors. Kuroo wondered if he could get away with just leaving early and apologizing to the coach tomorrow. 

He sighed into the towel and let it drape completely over his face, hoping it would shield him from the embarrassment he felt.

After a minute, he felt a warm hand press into the skin on his knee. He knew exactly who it was, because nobody had as many calluses on their hand from volleyball except for Bokuto.

“Hey Kuroo, what's going on,” Bokuto said. He shook his leg, hoping that maybe his friend was just in some sort of funk that could be healed with a positive mood. 

The raven's heart clenched. Of course Bokuto would come to check on him, because he's an amazing person. Kuroo didn't move the towel from his head, “nothing.” he decided to say, because how do you explain to your best friend that you’ve fallen in love with them, without freaking them out?

Even so, he felt his eyes start to burn. He was being such a coward. Hiding his heartbreak over his best friend was something he never wanted to have to do, but here he was, doing exactly that.

Bokuto frowned at Kuroo, who was still hiding his face behind the towel. “C’mon Kuroo,” he patted his friend's leg playfully, “Y’know you can tell me anything.”

A tear escaped kuroo’s eye and he was incredibly grateful for the towel that sat on his head, because if Bokuto knew he was crying, he might just die. Bokuto was right though. Kuroo knew he could tell Bokuto anything, even if it was a confession, but Kuroo wasn’t ready to have his feelings rejected. He sniffled a bit, concerning bokuto.

The boy lifted the towel just enough to see kuroo’s face and notice that this was much more serious than he thought. 

“Hey, why’re you crying?” Bokuto asked, still crouching down on the ground and holding the towel up just a bit.

Kuroo wiped away the tear with his towel, but soon more were falling and in his desperate attempt to wipe the all away, he felt the towel drop down against his face, hiding it, and a pair of muscular arms pulling his head into a tight hug.

“Please talk to me, I want to help you,” Bokuto spoke again in a worried tone. Kuroo squeezed his eyes shut tightly, unsure of what to do or say. Scared of what was going to happen if he said anything at all.

“You like Akaashi,” Kuroo sniffled a bit. His voice was muffled against the towel and Bokuto’s chest, and it was almost inaudible against the sound of the rest of their teammates who were still cleaning the gym.

Bokuto’s eyes widened, “Wha-”

“And not me,” Kuroo interrupted. “I don't blame you though. Why would you ever kiss me? I’m not even half as pretty.”

Bokuto could not believe what he was hearing. Kuroo Wanted Bokuto to like him. So that meant kuroo had feelings for him right? What the hell was he saying right now? Bokuto didn't have feelings for Akaashi at all. He was at a loss for words, unsure of how he was supposed to handle the boy in front of him, who was crying into a towel.

“Kuroo I don't have feelings for Akaashi,” Bokuto said letting go of the crying boy. The towel fell with the sudden movement and Bokuto saw the pain in Kuroo’s face.

“You gave him your sweater,” Kuroo sniffled, wiping away the tears quickly so nobody else could see them.

Bokuto let out a laugh, because to Bokuto, that was just a friendly gesture, “It's just polyester. It's just a jacket Kuroo.”

Then he watched as the raven shook his head and covered it with both of his hands.  
“But you like him better. He’s so perfect too, I don’t even blame you,” He said into his hands, “I wish I was Akaashi.” 

He felt so ridiculous crying over Bokuto who was standing right there in front of him, but he couldn’t stop now, even if he wanted to. It was like three years of pain was finally crumbling down inside of him and pouring out of him like a waterfall. 

Bokuto hadn't said anything and Kuroo wondered if he had scared him away. He felt the towel get draped back over his head, and he sat up a little in confusion.

Soon though, Bokuto pulled the small towel over his own head so that it was just the two of them hidden under a towel that was only about as big as the kind you use to wipe your hands off. It barely hid anything when the two of them were sharing it, maybe just the tops of their heads and their eyes.

“Who said I wanted to be with someone who was perfect,” Bokuto whispered, much to Kuroo’s shock. He sounded serious, and that in itself was shocking because Kuroo had never heard Bokuto be serious about anything other than volleyball. 

Kuroo had stopped crying, and was now trying to look anywhere other than Bokuto’s intense gaze.

“Why wouldn’t you want to be with someone perfect,” Kuroo asked, finally meeting the golden eyed man.

“Because perfect is boring, I think it's better to be exciting and different.” Bokuto smiled, and kuroo couldn’t stop a small smile from escaping as he thought back to the third of december, when Bokuto said the same thing about christmas lights.

“And don’t say you wish you were Akaashi,” Bokuto laughed a little, inching closer to kuroo’s face. Kuroo blushed at just how close he was getting.

“Because I want to kiss Tetsurou, not Akaashi,” Bokuto said before leaning in and pressing their lips together.


End file.
